Writer's Block. Ish.

Several months ago, I made a commitment to myself to begin writing regularly, with the intent of posting one blog per week. Most weeks I’ve accomplished this, and I've even gained some reader support along the way. The encouragement has inspired me to write in a slightly different way, as this space has begun to feel more like a shared community experience than just a writing space. That's helped my excitement skyrocket, and I've been eager to post more. But this begs quite an important question…. If I’m so excited about writing, then why is it that for the last three weeks, I haven’t been able to write anything that feels worthy of sharing? 

My initial thought was that maybe I had developed some sort of performance anxiety:  “Oh no! People are reading, and they expect perfection! I can now only share posts composed of perfect brilliance!” But that’s not it (I’m not that insecure or egocentric anymore).

My second thought was that I’d developed writer’s block, which seemed more reasonable. I’ve sat down to write several times—with good ideas even!—but haven’t written much I'd like to post. Still, the ideas have been coming, I've just kept what I've written to myself.

So I sat a while, perplexed.  (*quiet hum of the Jeopardy jingle*)

I think I may have figured it out.

This all began with a goal about writing again (check!) which turned into a pleasant surprise of people actually reading what I have to say (extra check!).  I think this combo has led me to think through more thoroughly what I want to post. And what I’m realizing is that 1) in writing publicly I feel inclined to actually have something worthwhile to say and 2) I don’t always actually have anything worthwhile to say.

So. Time to reevaluate my writing goals. In opting for quality over quantity, I’m shifting my goal about weekly posts to a goal about writing regular posts that contain substance. In the end, the original goal matters less than the quality of my overall journey—for if and when I reach my goals, what will I be carrying with me upon arrival?  

Achieving goals aren’t necessarily about outcomes. It’s just as important to examine your process of facing—or resisting—discipline, commitment, self-care and other ongoing practices. Whether it’s yoga, writing, arts or relationship issues, it’s the quality of our practice that truly indicates where we’re headed. The finish line is secondary. 

In honor of goals, practices and wanting to become a stronger writer, I’m offering this post to you (and me) as a message of truth about struggling to write as consistently as I’d like. I’m also offering it as a gesture of appreciation for supporting me on this journey, and to let you know that though I may not be posting weekly, I'm unwilling to spew out a bunch of crap to publish when I'm not feeling it. Finding my voice as a writer, building this community, and achieving my writing goals are less about simply writing, and more about how I show up. The longer I'm here, the more I realize that I have to write genuinely in order for it to read well. When I'm forcing it, my work comes out like some bad self-help grocery store booklet. I'm not suggesting that those booklets are all bad--it's just not who I want to be as a writer. It's not the direction I'm looking to grow.

So. Even when I'm not as "regular" as I'd like to be, I thank you for hangin' in there with me. Know that when I have prolonged stints of non-posting, I’m still at the computer trying. Sometimes, that’s just all I’ve got.