Lost and Found

It seems that all around me, the lives of my friends and family are falling apart. Not everyone of course. But of those that are falling, many are falling hard.  Hearts are being broken in every figurative and literal sense one can imagine.

I never really know what to say to you in times like these. Sometimes there are no words, but it can be awkward to call someone and say nothing. So then I speak and try not to sound like I'm silver-lining you, but I'm not sure that always works. Sometimes I wish I could offer some insight about "God’s Plan," but I don't know that plans are ever solid.  And what God are we talking about anyway? It seems a moot point. 

But I do sit here. 

And I think of you. 

I send you my love a thousand times over. I send you peace.

Some would say this sitting and sending is like that of a prayer, and perhaps it is. I direct my heart and thoughts to you. I offer you all my wishes, for why not wish? If we can dream, so they say, our wildest ones can come true.

What I know and learn and forget—and then know and learn and forget again—is that one-day, somehow, it will be OK.

Or not.

But then that would be OK too. (Really.) 

We can never know how or when the fog will lift or when the day of OK will come. And when it does, it may look very different from what we envision OK to be today. So it's really no matter if things will be OK or not. Because today, the only place we can be is in it. Here.

I’ll be here with you if you’d like.

Whatever you feel, I would do with you. 

  

My (midwifery) teacher, so wise and knowing, said once, “Don’t ever be afraid to be lost. Being lost is the only way you'll learn how to be found.”

I take that to heart and come back to it often.

I suppose, what I offer is this. Please don't confuse it with advice. I have no investment in you "taking it." They're just thoughts. And since you helped to prompt them, I wanted to share them with you. 

Release your need to be composed. Cry. Fall down. Die a little. 

Let go of anything that tells you there is a right way to do this.

Break things. Wander off into madness. 

Making sense of it will not help, because some things have no sense. They only are. I know this is no consolation.  But at some point, our thinking minds must rest. Release the need to organize it all into sense. After all, there are so many other sources of wisdom to behold.

Let go. 

Into what? 

Whatever comes. 

Our emotions are not meant to be managed, they are messengers of light. Our bodies contain wisdom, they are temples in which to explore the stars and heavens. We often turn to our brain to answer our questions and describe what we know. But there is more out there for you. Information is in the skies, the trees, our bones, in heartbreak, love, a hug, spirit and death. 

If someone asked you to shed your skin and transform your world as you know it using words of logic or reason, would you do it? Would you change everything, shed everything, let it all go and start over? Probably not.

Sometimes, I think we have to be destroyed and torn down in order to heal and transform, otherwise we'd say "no thank you" and stay stagnant forever. Sometimes there is no other way. We have to engage with the despair. If we turn away from it, we risk missing out on the greatest secrets life has to offer. And so the world brings us to our knees. This is the journey to freedom. One day, when we reach the other side of the rainbow, we will shake our heads and laugh and say, “ah-ha!” But until we are there, there is only one thing left to do. 

Trust.

Flames. Death. Ash. 

And the phoenix is reborn.

One-day, when it is time it will fly. 

Soar! 

Time is yours. Love is yours. You are yours. Trust is yours.

Take them. Take these things. 

And in the meantime, I will sit. 

And I will think of you.

I will send you love a thousand times over. And I will send you peace. 

I will trust for you when you cannot.