{Breathing in… Puffing chest…Standing tall…}
I am. Becoming. A midwife.
{Nervous twitch.}
That was harder to write than you think. I’ve been holding that close to my chest for many months. Some of you know. But now. More of you
will know.
Some of you will think “Yay! This is perfect!” and others of
you will say, “Really? I had no idea you were interested in that.” Some of you
will think varying degrees of these, and you’ll all be correct.
And please, if it’s OK by you, I’d prefer you not attach
“midwife” to my identity quite yet. Today, I’m simply embarking upon a journey,
an exploration. Like learning to play the piano.
Except. It’s not a piano at all.
{Breathing in…}
I’ve been a university instructor and
feminist/queer/sociology scholar. I’ve been an abortion care (and thus, family,
relationship, parenting and religious) counselor. I am a yoga and meditation teacher. I am an
intellectual. I am a spirit. I am a body. I am, through and through, an
advocate. I live to empower others.
I’m intrigued and mystified by the human experience: I
cannot understand it, and yet at the same time, it seems to be the only thing I
really know.
How could it not have
been that I’d end up drawn to stand at the gates of life and death?
Of course I am here.
{Puffing chest…}
I began my quantum/holistic midwifery training this week.
It’s an exploration of life, death, altered states, bodies, humanity, Spirit
and nature. On our first day, within two hours, we had laid the groundwork for our
upcoming journey, including: models of healthcare, gender, ideas/ideology,
spirituality, power systems, intuition/trust, anatomy/physiology, earth/nature,
herbal/medicinal remedies, life, death, history, connection, co-creation….
Yes, yes, of course I am here.
I don’t know where the journey will take me, but I’m
overwhelmingly excited to find out. It’s complex and overwhelming, and utterly
surreal. In the midst of all of the learning and feeling and thinking and
knowing—I feel completely at ease. My energy is totally neutral—a state of
grace, if you will. All is right with the world.
And now more of you know.
And since more of you know, I know there will be more a ton
of questions that I cannot yet answer. That said, to humor you, I offer this:
My first training runs from now until September.
No, this is not through a university, nor will I be going
“back to school.”
Yes, this is real training.
If/when I “practice” my intention is to practice as an
independent (homebirth based) midwife.
Yes, that is scary.
No, it’s not crazy.
Yes, I am learning what to do for the what-if’s (that’s part
of the training).
No, I don’t think hospital birth is “bad.”
Yes, I will learn herbal medicine and homeopathy.
No, I don’t think Western medicine is “bad.”
Yes, I’m studying an old wise woman tradition.
No, that’s not romanticized. It just is.
{Standing tall…}
In all my years of academics, yoga, abortion care and more, I
have learned a lot. Most of all, I’ve learned that we already contain most of
the answers we’re seeking—we just often need help in gathering our courage and wit in order to speak them. We are survivors. When empowered to live from our gut, when
armed with a body of knowledge—and when we truly trust ourselves—anything is
possible. Anything.
There is much to be improved upon in our culture with
regards to choices, bodies, life and death, and many of my years have been
spent working to make those things better. I believe in the possibility of
change through fostering truth, awareness and compassion. My journey into
midwifery feels (right now) a way to continue my life’s work, while enhancing
my spirit and broadening my potential for human connection. Through this, I
hope to continue learning and feeding that insatiable quest I have to understand, create change, love, and let go.
Through and through, I am an advocate. I believe, and I
trust. I can hold a room, I can hold a heart, I can hold a soul. I can “go
there.” And through midwifery—should the
stars continue to align in this direction—I would be beyond honored to continue
to hold, advocate and “go there” with those who chose to birth at home. To
continue to make others’ choices and truths realities.
I believe that we’re always in the right place at the right
time. That I know in my bones. This is not the first time I’ve danced with
midwifery, been an advocate or teacher. This knowing is far older than this
life. Embracing that is scary, freeing and exhilarating.
I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, I’ll be studying,
loving, painting, laughing, learning and growing. But I’ll be around. Come find
me in a yoga class (starting in February I’ll be teaching more!) or give me a
call. And thanks for reading. It’s not always easy to say what’s in our hearts.
But your support and willingness to “hear” me makes posting here easier and
less scary. I appreciate that so much. I appreciate you.
L’chaim!
