2014: A Year for Romance!!

Oscar Wilde once said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

My intention for you this year, is that you fall in love. Deep, full, wholehearted love--with yourself. (Don’t worry, I’m speaking to myself as well. I began my romance many moons ago, but there’s always room for more love.)

A great start for your romance would be to consider setting intentions instead of resolutions as we enter 2014. Why? Resolutions tend to contain varying value judgments around what equates to “failures” and “successes.” Intentions are flexible. They work with you. You can’t fail at intentions—but you can return to them time and time again, in a way that becomes focused and productive.

And let’s be fair. If you’re entering a lifelong romance, you’ll need to make room for some mishaps along the way. Intentions allow for that. Romance is beautiful—but may often require you to make room to work through disagreements and uncross lines of communication when things get fuzzy. And that’s OK. After all, making-up can be quite fun.

So. Here are a few ideas for intentions to consider for 2014. And if none of these speak to you—make your own, in the spirit of falling in love!

1.  Focus on bringing more good into your life instead of ridding yourself of what you find to be bad or wrong. For instance, if you’re struggling with your weight, consider setting an intention around body acceptance while also setting an intention about healthy habits. In other words—offer some love and support to this amazing temple that houses your heart, mind and spirit! Set an intention to listen to what your body needs, and start to respond. Learn how to feed yourself well. If you feel stiff, move. If you feel tired, rest. Eat full meals rich in nutrients to “cure what ails ya,” like foods good for strengthening bones, improving circulation and stimulating good mental health. Treat yourself to meals and/or exercises that contribute to well rested sleeps, good heart health and better eyesight. Offer your body support, organ by organ, limb by limb, depending on what your loving temple is craving. Over time, the less desirable stuff will begin to fall away, as you focus on what positively supports you.  You’ll worry less about “slip ups” because your focus will be on productive actions and support that stem from a place of love, health, nurturing and acceptance. So start from there—with intention—and see where it takes you. 

2.  Instead of striving to make X number of dollars this year and counting on that for happiness, set an intention to change your relationship with money.  Many of us struggle to make ends meet each month and often get caught up in what we need to be “comfortable” or “secure.” Many of us also buy, spend and shop out of boredom and habit. So take matters into your own hands. Proclaim yourself free. State out loud, “I have everything I need! I have just enough!! More than enough!!” And then take small steps. Here’s an idea: instead of stopping in for a snack or dinner, purposely drive by a place you often go for a meal, coffee or a drink, and proclaim your statement clear and loud as you pass by. See how it feels. And perhaps, state your proclamation out loud the next time you pay a bill, momentarily becoming overwhelmed with gratitude at your ability to put that bill in the mail. When you’re drawn to go out to make a purchase—for anything, big or small (this goes for online purchases as well), wait two hours and see if you still really feel as if you need it. Make a list of things you can do to fill up your time with things that don’t cost anything, and post it somewhere visible. Here are a few to get you started: practice meditation, sit outside and listen to the birds, call a friend or relative, put on your favorite music and sing/dance. Organize something. Color. Paint. Do a puzzle. Distract yourself from spending money with something completely fun and nonsensical. And at each point along the way, state that proclamation loud and proud, “I have everything I need! I have just enough! More than enough!!” Find new rewards for hard work—a cup of tea, hand massage from a partner, a night spent watching old movies you find on TV. Make a scavenger hunt list of things to “find” and check off your list as you walk or drive through your favorite neighborhood. Trade off “money-free date nights” with friends—for one date you come up with the activity, and the next date they have to make the plan. You may come to find that you don’t need X number of dollars to be comfortable and secure at all… and that you feel quite liberated from your old habits that required spending. Either way, you’ll certainly have saved some money in the process.  

3.  Make more time for stillness and/or meditation. Just sitting for 2-3 minutes each day with the intention of focusing on your breath can change a lifetime of patterns. It’s good for lowering stress, for sorting through thoughts, for increasing cardiovascular health and for learning about gratitude. Chances are is that if you sit with the intention of being quiet and focusing on your breath for just two minutes, you’ll want to be there longer. So don’t worry about setting a half-hour meditation resolution for your year. It may just come. And if it doesn't, then you've still got a few minutes everyday—or every few days—to feel really good about. 

4.  Set an intention to “unplug” more, become a better listener and spend more quality time with those you love. Let’s face it. Technology has our brains scrambling in 100 directions all the time. Email! Television! Cell phones! Text Messages! Facebook! Oh my! Our lifelong romance with ourselves is not going to be found online. But listening to others, connecting with our friends and family feeds our ability to feel loved, grateful and full of life. Those cousins you love so much? Your best friend you never talk to? Set a phone date, even if you have to schedule it weeks out. And when you finally connect—turn the computer off, walk away, and just sit. Listen. Same goes for in-person dates: sit and listen. When you’re in person, put your phone away. Concentrate. Don’t get up while they’re talking, don’t do the dishes or look towards the window to see who’s passing by. Not only is this a great way to demonstrate to others that you value them, but your connection and quality of time spent will blossom. And you’ll get a great brain work out to boot! You think I’m kidding? I’m not. It often takes some major willpower and concentration to not look in 10 directions while sitting with someone else, especially if you’re in public. It’s often difficult to not get distracted by the “ding” of your cell phone indicating a text message, dishes piling in the sink or something else you’ve just realized you have to do. But with practice, you can build your concentration and listening skills—while feeding your own heart and the hearts of others. Shared, intentional connections have been proven to save people from depression. But there’s not a lot of evidence suggesting that half-assed interactions do much at all.

5.  Consider speaking up, being silly and letting loose more often. We all have our moments where looking silly or saying something out loud may cause us to worry about what others will think. Maybe we are shy of sharing vulnerabilities or scared of being hurt. Maybe we fear that those we love won’t accept us for who we are.  Often times—these fears and concerns are of our own making. So next time you’re caught one of these places, imagine loving yourself the way you love your partner, spouse, your best friend or a child. Instead of being self-conscious, begin to see yourself as adorable. Instead of hiding, encourage yourself to be bold and shine brightly. Look at yourself with loving eyes. You deserve to speak, to dance, to shine, to let loose. Who cares if your voice cracks when you speak or if you sing out of tune? If you were in love with someone doing that, it would melt your heart. So go on. Melt your own heart. Be free and silly and unique. Speak your mind. Be you. 

This list of intentions is only the tip of the iceberg, and though my intention with this post is merely to get the ball rolling for your lifelong romance with your entire self, there are plenty of other intentions that could feed this romance as well. So do 2014 your way—fall in love with yourself in a way that works for you. But waste no time—begin your romance today! It is a beautiful thing to embrace, accept, grow, love and find inner freedom to be just as we are. So if the intentions don’t speak to you, formulate some of your own. I’d love to hear what you come up with if you’re willing to share. And that sharing can come in the form of a comment—but if you’re so inclined, I’d love to set up a phone date!

Regardless of your intention or love life, I wish you a wonderful year, full of love, gratitude and wholehearted living. I wish you laughter, beauty, and safe and peaceful place for your heart to rest. Happy New Year everyone! May 2014 be your best yet!