Crushes

I have a crush.

For me, there are two main types of crushes. The first is the kind that you don’t tell your parents about because you doubt the relationship will evolve, so it feels pointless.  The second is the kind that you don’t tell your parents about because you realize you’re about to fall madly in love, and you need time. This is the crush that blows your mind so fully that you have no words to describe what’s happening (and quite frankly, you’re so caught up in feeling incredible, you don’t care to find them).

I’m having a type-2 crush, so I’m not ready to talk about it directly, though speaking in metaphor feels perfectly fine. I’m in that daydreaming-too-good-to-be-true phase of bliss, and I'd like to stay a while. I like it here. For instance, though to look at me, you may assume that I'm currently working: I'm at the office, sitting at my desk, typing away on the computer. In actuality? I’m with her. Sweet her. She and I, hand in hand, me smiling ear to ear, her with her perfect and natural earthly beauty. I picture the scene as if I'm there now: we're running barefoot down the beach, waves crashing, children playing. The sun is out, and the clouds are picture perfect. The seagulls are squawking and the cool but humid breeze blows my hair into my mouth. The tide, white and frothy, is rushing up to greet our toes, and when the water reaches us, we squeal with delight as we run away from the cold that swallows our size 5 ½ impressions. We make a mad dash for the warm, dry sand, leaving the icy water to retreat back to the world’s ocean. We laugh and giggle, knowing all the while that the cold water was hardly a surprise—the burst of excitement is the feeling of falling in love. The giggle: extreme warmth. The laughter: kismet and true joy.

Beautiful isn’t it? Can’t you just feel it? 

Suffice it to say, I’m in secret mode, holding her tight. I’m staying here in my moment: daydreaming, confident, all knowing. Explanations at this point seem superfluous.  Sometimes passions don’t have words. For now, my secret is not a "keeping from"—it’s simply a "sitting with." A moment of certainty. My intuitive self is perched high on her throne, with a deliberate smirk curling up around her mouth. She winks at me. She understands, and better yet, she fully approves. 

It’s the best kind of crush. No attachments, nothing to prove, everything to feel.

I’m falling. 

Once I land, once I have words, I’ll let you know. For now, I’m enjoying the sitting, the pause. The calm before the storm. The darkness before dawn. The days leading up to a birth before everything changes.

For today, I'm heading back to the beach, Crush and I hand in hand.

Wait, what...? What's that you say? 

Oh, yes, I mean it...you'll have to wait for an introduction. But don't fret dear friends. You'll meet her soon enough. I'm sure of it.