Three Possible Things

My dear friends, family and fellow procrastinators. This blog post is for you. 

This is the story of Three Possible Things (not to be confused with Lewis Carroll's six possible things).

You must know that these Three Possible Things were once impossible, but today is a new day. Today, I have moved beyond. I am strong, triumphant. Less than a week ago, however….

It was a chilly fall Sunday afternoon, and I’d just gotten done tidying the house. I’d already walked the dog, run an errand, and was thinking of what to do next. With several hours of free time in ahead of me, I was leaning towards painting or starting a pot of soup that Al and I could eat during the coming week.  I wasn’t yet ready to sit still, so reading, meditation or writing wasn’t on my radar.

And then, in the back of mind, I saw a flash: The List. I tried to ignore it, push it away. I tried to forget. But it was no use. The List had already been spotted.

“Which list?” you ask?

Ugh. The List. The one that haunts you, shames you and reminds you that you’re a terrible person. The list that provokes feelings of guilt and remorse. The list that drives you to procrastinate with things like organizing your home office, cleaning the bathroom or raking leaves. 

It is….

The List Of People You Need To Call.

That List.

To my friends and family: I love you.

But.

I. Cannot. Pick up. The phone.

I am sorry.

Friends, cousins, aunts, uncles and other family (*head hanging*), I adore you. You are my favorite people, my best memories, my heartiest laughs. Because of you, I am a member of a pack, I have a place of belonging. You are my support system, my everything.

And yet.

The process of procrastination for avoiding my List of People I Need to Call is pretty formulaic. Perhaps you can relate? It goes something like this:

Impossible Calls Phase 1:  It’s Monday. You commit to calling two or three people from your People You Need to Call List this week. Your commitment is solidified by carving these names in stone in your planner’s weekly to-do list and calendar. You know that if you tried to call everyone on your list, you’d fail miserably, but because you’re a realistic kick-ass person, you’ve chosen two or three people to call, which is manageable. You pat yourself on the back for this astute realization, and feel wise and insightful. You are proud of your commitment to make these calls.

Phase 2:  You review your list on Tuesday or Wednesday, and think, “Yes. I will do these things. I will call these people tonight. Or tomorrow. For sure. Definitely tomorrow.”

Phase 3:  On Thursday, as you’re looking for something else on your calendar, you see your list by accident. You try to ignore it. “No, no. Not now. I am doing very important things now and cannot look at my list. This is not a good time.” You feel a pang of shame. Since it’s late in the week and you’re tired, you promise to make your calls over the weekend when you’re feeling more upbeat and relaxed—you reason that this will be better for everyone. 

Phase 4:  On Friday, you pop a beer to celebrate the start of your weekend, and put your call list out of your mind. You’ve already said you’ll do it “over the weekend.” You meant it.

Phase 5:  You think of your list briefly Saturday morning before heading out to enjoy the day. You ignore the guilt starting to creep in and recommit to making your calls on Sunday. Sunday makes more sense anyway. It’s a good day for catching up with people.

Phase 6:  Doomsday.  You start your Sunday with the intention of finishing up everything on your to-do list before making your calls. You convince yourself that these efforts (cleaning the bathroom, organizing your home office, raking the leaves) are not acts of procrastination, but are instead tasks that will allow you to provide your undivided attention to the people you’re calling—which they deserve. You pat yourself on the back for your thoughtfulness around this. You continue to carry this denial with you into your afternoon.

Phase 7:  It’s now late Sunday afternoon and you’re getting anxious because the bathroom is clean, desk organized and leaves gone. You’ve also emptied the fridge of old leftovers, scooped the litterbox and taken the dog for walk number four. Your resistance to making your calls is growing, but you respond to this by becoming angry at the people you need to call.  “It’s not like they have called me lately!” you exclaim internally. You resent not knowing exactly how long this call could take, and you certainly don’t have all day. I mean, you have some time, but not a ton—it is Sunday after all, and you still want to leave some time in your day for Numero Uno. And don’t you deserve it?! “It is my Sunday too, ya know. I’ve been so busy all morning finishing up my to-do list and still need time for me. I shouldn’t have to feel bad about that.” Your conviction grows: “I work so hard all week, and I’ve done so much this weekend, I just want to relax. IS THAT SO WRONG?!”

Phase 8:  Feeling momentarily vindicated in your decision to not call anyone, you grab a snack and sit at your laptop to peruse Facebook, Craigslist and so-and-so’s new blog. You laugh at some really clever memes you’re certain you “get” on a far deeper level than most other people (because you’re so smart and witty), and are then moved to tears by a video of baby bunnies who were adopted by a hedgehog whose best friend is an old dog with three legs.

Phase 9: When you finally climb into bed Sunday night, you think of the people you didn’t call. You think of your friends and family, and your heart feels full. You really do love them so much. You fill with gratitude—you really should call them more, you miss them so much. You make a solid commitment to call them this week. For sure. Definitely.

Phase 10: Repeat Phases 1-9.

 

Sound familiar?

I have so many people on my People I Need to Call List, I don’t even remember who I’ve been committing (and failing) to call each week. And as humorous as this post may be, I’m mostly writing it in attempts of getting more honest with myself about how I do (or do not) opt to make things happen for myself. I’m getting real about how often I stand in my own way. And as I move forward towards some pretty major changes I’m seeking to make in life, I want to understand more clearly 1) how to make the changes happen 2) the resistance I face, and 3) how to make sure the changes ahead are sustainable and long-term. Recognizing patterns—like procrastination—that hold me back from realizing my full potential is an integral part of this process.

Procrastination undermines my ability to accomplish what I want to do, and therefore limits my sense of what is possible. In grad school, I often felt that procrastination was perfectly normal—and perhaps it was. But this isn’t school. This is life. This is it. And the bottom line is that when I follow through on things I really want—even if it takes time to get there—I am gifted with a great sense of confidence that propels me forward towards my next venture. So while picking up the phone may not seem like a big deal on the surface, as matter of personal habits, consistently avoiding calling people may have a lot to tell me about how I’m doing with meeting “commitments” I set up for myself. If following through on goals can fuel me with a sense of accomplishment and confidence, surely calling someone I love can do even more: help me to feel accomplished while reinforcing that following through can often bring about feelings of connectedness, love, support and gratitude.

How I procrastinate or get in my own way is always contextual, but big change has to start with small efforts. I’m not looking for a crash diet fix, ya know? For instance, sometimes I avoid calling people by cleaning the house. Other times, I avoid cleaning the house by doing a yoga practice, or avoid a yoga practice by making a snack. And so on and so on, all the way up to “I want to make big changes in my life, but I’m stuck, scared and I don’t know how. Forget it, I’ll just ______.” (Fill in the blank: take a walk, write, go to the gym, have a snack…).  Imagine if I just started with small changes.

And that’s what led me my newest list, my list of Three Possible Things. Each week, I will list and accomplish three possible things. This is not a to-do list. This is a WILL DO list. This is a list of possibilities.  This is a small list of small things that will help me reach my big potential.

To make my big, huge, fantastic dreams come true, I have to believe I can do it first. So I have to set up a life that exemplifies a life full of possibilities. From now on, each week I will carve, in stone, in my planner, a list of Three Possible Things to accomplish. And without excuses—though perhaps, with some overcoming of procrastination—I will experience three things I made possible. What we feed grows, and what we starve suffers. I am feeding my ability to make things happen. And if they all end up happening on Sundays, then so be it.

Whatever it is, the time is now. So try it with me. Make a list of three possible things you will do this week. You have the power to create changes in your life, and instead of getting overwhelmed by the big ones or getting caught up in your own self-imposed limitations, start small and make the impossible possible. And if you wanna chat about it…give me a call. Or who knows? Maybe I’ll be calling you sometime soon.