I don’t really know what to say, except that I miss you. It’s been too long since I’ve written, but you know the spiel—“I’ve been so busy!”. And I have. But I’m attempting to jump back in again. There’s this freeing energy and sense of connectedness that I get from blogging—especially since so many of you were here with me during such a profound time in my life. As someone who’s spent much of her life writing in private journals and keeping most of what I’ve said to myself, it’s refreshing to share this space with you, my friends, family, and perhaps even, strangers.
The last several months have been full of emotional, financial, and physical ups and downs (I know, how original, right?). There have been days when I’ve hardly slept, weeks when I’ve bounced back and forth between the yoga studio and bar without a breath in between, and too many months where I’ve struggled to pay rent. All of these have inevitably led to random bouts of falling tears and/or instances of uncontrollable laughter. There have been many days where I’ve taught so much yoga I haven’t had time to practice. During some weekends, I’ve done nothing but practice, as I’ve recently begun another yoga-training program. Some weeks I see my girlfriend, others not so much. Sometimes I remember to feed the cats, and I occasionally walk the dog (thank goodness there’s two of us). At the end of last year, I broke my pinky so I’ve had to retire Martin for a bit, and I miss her. The good news is that I've taken up hula hooping instead, and we (OK, Ali) also set up a yoga swing in the house which is more fun--and challenging!--than you can imagine. Our house is at last a real house; we're all set up in our own unique and playful way. Last weekend we finally hosted that housewarming party we’d talked about for so long, and spent time with our hilarious and amazing friends. So while the ups and downs have been fairly commonplace over the last seven or eight months, I’ve recently noticed that in the midst of this whirlwind, I’m happily settled in, cozy, calm, and peacefully content.
I owe much of that to Ali. You often hear people talk about their partners as a “rock” of support –- she’s more like my rock, soil, roots, pavement, grass (and since it’s currently wintertime in CT), snow. I never imagined I’d find a partner to so openly share myself with, but whether it’s a great day or a hellish one, she’s right there being just who she is, and I’m free to be exactly who I am. With her, I feel safe, protected, and free. She is the reason my smile is so genuine and my heart so full of love. And I don’t just feel that because she can, on a whim, make a hula hoop or yoga swing, really. It’s because she’s exactly…her. Imperfectly, beautifully, and lovingly, her. Her kindness is real. Her smile lights up a room. And she believes in me. Not just for whom I can be to her, but because she says she’s just glad I’m in the world—and that means everything to me. Sometimes I wonder if I am able to provide the same amount of support, love, and freedom that she gives to me; I hope and pray all the time that she knows how safe and loved she is.
Bleh. I know, I know. It’s kinda pukey. But it’s real and I just couldn’t help but say it. Pukey or not, I think it’s important to express love and joy when you can. So I’ll continue with this:
I also owe this peace of mind and contentment to my fellow yogis at Samadhi Yoga and Storrs Yoga studios. In the last several months, through them, I’ve come to know the most incredible, loving people from all over CT, the US, and the world. The students and teachers here are full of kindness and live with intentions of spreading peace to others; they believe in hope, joy, and know that happiness and love unite us on this earth. It is because of them that I’ve realized that
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