Mini-confessions

I've given up trying to make this post cleverly concise--seems counterproductive to the blatant honesty I'm attempting to relay (lucky for you however, I am by nature fairly witty, so I'm hoping you'll still be entertained). At a loss as to how to describe this hilarious, exhausting, spiritual, entertaining, lazy, mega-detailed and nuanced journey in one simple blog, I'm doing my best to remember what I can. So bear with me, and when it gets choppy or off kilter, consider it a genuine extension of my spontaneously free spirit.

With the exception of my yoga practice (which is large and life-changingly transformative ), I love that everything here is mini-sized. Mini spoons, mini bananas, mini cars, mini trucks, mini cups of chai, mini rickshaws, mini markets.... If you smoke cigarettes, you have the option of buying them one at a time. Same goes for band-aids (of which we bought five). Mini wrists for most Indian women meant that I had to request to see the "large" bangle bracelets when I purchased some (for 50 rupees, or one mini-American dollar). I regularly see ponies, but no actual horse-sized horses. At band practice, mini-Martin is making some great big sounds. Hot water for showers comes in mini-doses, about which I wrote a mini-song (and if I can get my mini-video camera to work, I'll post it for you). In recent months, a recurring theme in my life seems to have been that good things come in small packages, and I find it continuously the case here in India.

To do that non-witty honest thing, I feel it only right that I post some initial confessions (beginning with the hope that you're still finding this cleverly amusing). First, I like that every band-practice ends with Tim and I strumming aimlessly on our guitars, while Liz inevitably ends up planning or budgeting for our future travels (here, for our return to the States, and for our next trip to India. And I might as well confess that I'm already planning my second trip to continue studying with Ajay next summer...but I digress). I love that we have 9 covers and 5 originals--some of which we've never actually attempted to play or create/memorize lyrics for. I admit that I like going to bed at 830pm and waking up at 4am, and now officially consider myself a morning person. I like that I make my coffee in a rusty old tin with a strainer and tongs, and hope to continue doing so when I return to the States. I like that I'm coexisting peacefully with bugs, that my toothpaste is brown, and that I sleep on a 2" thick, hard-as-shit mattress. I like that my feet are perpetually dirty, that I buy milk in baggies, and that it only stays good for 2 days. I love that I went out for lunch today and ended up eating with five friends in a stranger's bedroom. I admit that the first time I rinsed my toothbrush with sink water instead of bottled I was terrified, and that I had the same scare when I once stood in the shower, water hitting my face, and realized my mouth was open. I confess to rarely knowing how many days it's been between showers even though I sweat profusely during each yoga practice (and most other times of day). I confess that I sometimes cannot tell the difference between the smell of incense or trash burning, though they are both now oddly comforting and familiar. I've found that doing nothing (literally) comes extraordinarily easy to me, and I've no desire to change it. I admit that leaving grad school was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I admit confess to being highly aroused during my Aryuvedic massage yesterday, and while I won't go into detail here (though it does involve a loin cloth and being drenched in hot oils), let's just say that what those women did to me would NOT be legal in the US. I also admit that in a pinch, I no longer mind the hose or bucket when I have to use the bathroom. I love that I can have the most intensely peaceful meditation and/or yoga practice with dogs barking, election trucks passing, rickshaws and scooters zooming, horns honking, neighbors conversing, and radios, fans, and construction blaring in the background. I admit that I rather like not having air conditioning.

Aside from coconuts, yoga, befri's, and everything else, my favorite thing about India is the color. My God, the color! It's the most colorful place I've ever seen--puts that 64-box of Crayola's to shame. The buildings (new, old, abandoned or dilapidated) change from one to the next; no boring, sleek, or cookie-cutter repetition as is often found in the States. So it's a little dirty...it's also brilliant, vibrant, and full of character. Women adorned in sari's and jewels, strands of jasmin flowers in their hair--it's as if their tailors were born from rainbows. Markets of fruits, dyes, fabrics, vegetables and random goods...it's heaven for my eyeballs everywhere I turn. I can't stop myself from taking pictures. I want to post some, but my mini-internet connection is taking time with the video, so they may have to wait.

I'm trying to figure out how to update you on my yoga practice, but the enormity of it all is hard to describe. I'm just...in it. Deeply, gratefully, amazingly, in it. Learning to ease through the struggle, I'm prouder of myself than I've ever been. My endurance and will are strong, my mind and muscles are fierce. I had no idea I could ever be pushed--more accurately, guided--to this place. I am eternally grateful to Ajay for calling me out on every weakness, and not allowing me to hide (from him or myself). Whether he is standing on my back, pressing my chest towards the floor, guiding me through drop backs/lifting out of backbends, stretching my legs and hamstrings further than I ever thought they were meant to go...he always reminds me that it is my body--not his adjustments--that are getting me to these places. He tells me when I do a good job, and tells me where I need work. He reminds me to relax. His adjustments are harsh, but his smile and soul are kind and compassionate. In trusting him, I am learning to better trust myself. The power of my mind and spirit is taking me to places I've never been, and I am...wow...just blissfully speechless. (So yeah, yoga is good. Really, really, good.)

And PS....I'll get some pics and my mini-song up for you soon. For now the mini-Indian-internet connection runs too slow, and I've lost everything I tried to post. I'm gonna save myself the mini-frustration and get outta here for now. Until then, sending peace, love and beautiful things always. And laughter, always laughter.